Silent be the Name -NaoxHiroto

Silent be the Name
 
 
The coffee is steaming hot.

    Gazing absently around the apartment, I nurse my cup between my hands, letting the warmth almost burn against the palms of my hands. It’s almost soothing to focus on, to think about but without looking at. A break well needed, and, perhaps, a way to feed an addiction.

    Glancing at the window to my right, I sigh. After spending an hour taking away fragile things to keep them away from being destroyed when Hiroto comes over in just a mere moment, the air is starting to feel heavy. I breathe in the aroma of the coffee, hoping for it to chase away the slightly musty smell that has seemed to invade my living space. There seriously should be some way to will a window to spring open.

    Stupid Nao can’t even open a window, can he?

    No, in fact, I can’t open the window. I think it hates me. So I glare at it. In turn, the clouds part and decide that the sun shall glare back at me. Oh, I see it now. My window has a friend that likes to make my eyes hurt with a sudden stream of light piercing into them.

    Lovely, isn’t it?

    I raise a hand from my cup to shield my eyes but end up knocking my glasses askew. Another sigh escapes my lips. Frowning, I leave the sharp sunspot to linger in the dark areas of the apartment, absently turning on the TV, but leaving it on mute. Hiroto should be here now, so where is he?

    Nao is lonely, Nao wants his Hiroto, Nao is hungry. Nao wants more coffee.

    Burning tongue, empty cup, and no memories of ever drinking it up. My mind is obviously too far astray. I pick up a newspaper collecting dust in a corner on my way to the kitchen. Distractedly tapping my fingers against it as I hum on an unknown tune, I let my eyes wander around one last time to make sure that Hiroto can’t ruin anything for me now. I stop and stare.

    Videogames.

    Should I put them away? There will be a bouncing squirrel here soon, and squirrelly squirrel likes videogames. Realising that my tapping against the newspaper has become rapid and almost violent, I stop.

    Away they go, Nao.

    I put down the newspaper and my cup on the wooden floor. So if you like someone, but that person is an addict, should you try to take that person’s obsession away or try to live with the pain that’s picking at your sanity? Tough decision. I start to gather together the videogames in a box.

    Where is he? I glance at the time as I dump the box of videogames in a far corner and throw a few t-shirts and a pair of trousers over it to cover them up. It’s 3 pm.

    I pick absently at the t-shirt I am wearing and settle down on the floor, leaning my back against the wall by the poorly hidden videogames. So if you think about it, you should always try to make the better of the situation, right? I look at the window and the glaring sun, wondering how many cups of coffee I would need to do before the musty smell is replaced by the aroma of coffee. It shouldn’t be that difficult, I muse as I listen to the faint sound of the seconds moving on, one by one, a never-ending tick-tack. Like the heart of a clock, beating and making everything else possible to move at all. But I guess than none of them are really never-ending.

    Kind of sad that a clock can die.

    Go to the door, Nao. Go.

    Picking myself up from the floor, I listen to the sound of the knocking from who I really do hope is Squirrel Boy. And so the familiar pattern begins, is that how it is? As I stand a few metres from the door, now listening to a someone fumbling with a key, I wonder if there’s any good movie on TV tonight. And, oh, so it was Hiroto.

    Smile, Nao, he’s finally here to love you.

    Don’t worry, I will, I promise. And as the door opens, my face brightens up with a smile, which is greeted with a matching one from my lover.

    “Nao!”, he exclaims, and the door slams shut behind him with a loud bang as he gathers me up in a hug.

    I wonder if there’s any action movie on TV. I think I would enjoy a good action movie right now. “Hiroto”, I say as I hold him close and observe the door behind him.

    “I’m sorry I’m so late”, he starts, detangling our bodies and placing a kiss on my lips. “But I kind of ran in some trouble back home, so that delayed me more than I had wanted.” He takes off his shoes, stumbling a little. “I hope you didn’t wait for me or something, but it was really…”

    Tuning out, then.

    I need coffee so bad. Deciding to let him talk for a while, I turn away from him, walking over to my empty cup and the old newspaper to pick them up from the floor. Skimming over the headline and picture on the first page, I sigh as I take them to the kitchen so that they won‘t be bothering me anymore. Hiroto can talk a little too much sometimes. There should be a rule for how much a person can talk. Although rules are kind of boring.

    Perhaps you should go back to your lover, Nao?

    Yes, that I shall do. Frowning at the sunlight that is still glaring at me through the window, I walk out to the living room, only to walk straight into Hiroto. Before I have the time to react, his arms slip around my waist and he pulls me close, hiding his head in the curve of my neck.

    “I’m so sorry, don’t be mad at me!” he apologizes profusely, and in my shock I just let him hold me for a few seconds before realise that I should probably hug him back. So I do.

    “Hiroto…”, I mumble and sigh, breathing in the smell of his newly washed hair. Realising that he probably took it the wrong way when I left him to take the newspaper and the cup to the kitchen, I hold him even closer to me, to reassure him that nothing is wrong. I think I’m out of milk, I muse absently. Perhaps I could get the lady next door to buy me some - I think she finds me attractive.

    Hiroto finally loosens his hold of me and backs away just enough so that he can look me directly in the eye.

    “I’ll try my best to be in time next time!” he promises and smiles sheepishly. So I kiss him.

     This t-shirt is kind of itchy, I think as his lips sweetly, gently move against mine. At least like this we won’t talk too much. His voice is kind of annoying me right now.

    When we part, his smile is bright and affectionate, so I return the smile dutifully.

    “Don’t worry about it”, I laugh softly and run a hand through his hair before I detach myself from him. My hand lingers in his for a few seconds before I let it go and turn to go to my drawer to find something more comfortable to wear.

    “Hey, Nao?” Hiroto says, and something in his voice makes me slow down in my tracks and glance backwards at him. He’s looking around in my apartment with a strange look on his face that I cannot read. “I think you need some fresh air or something”, he continues. “It’s kind of a bit heavy air in here. Why haven’t you opened a window?”

    I look away.

    He’s a partner in crime with your window, Nao…

    Closing my eyes for a few seconds, my nails are digging into the palms of my hands, and I have to force myself to take a deep, long breath to not freak. A headache is unmercifully building in my head, and honestly? There’s just sometimes when I want to kill everything that moves.

    Turning around to face him again, I place a small apologetic smile on my lips, and laugh as if embarrassed. “Yeah, um… If you don’t mind, I’d rather keep it like this, you know?” There is no way that I will let him give a try to open the window, because that window might as well kill him while he’s trying. Malicious window, that.

    “Whatever you say, Nao!” he says and while I follow his movement with my eyes, he’s walking around in my apartment as if he wants to find something. I can’t help to narrow my eyes when he closes in on the box.

    Coffee, Nao wants coffee, and stop that, Hiroto, you stupid Squirrel Boy.

     I don’t want him to play videogames now. Focus on me for once. Just me. I want him, come back to me. Since when did I become something lesser to videogames?

    You’ve always been the number two, Nao, you know that, don’t you?

    Forgetting all about getting a more comfortable t-shirt, I go to the kitchen. I’m walking quickly, and just as I pick up my empty cup from the counter, I hear the videogames all being poured down on the wooden floor. My grip around the cup tightens, making my knuckles white. Biting down on my lower lip, I hear him search around among them. My eyes wander around in the kitchen while one of my fingers is tapping rapidly against the cup. So if you tried to take away an obsession from someone you love, and that doesn’t work, what do you do?

    I glance out at him. He has settled down by my TV, about to play videogames as usual. All my other videogames are spread out in a mess in the middle of the floor. Somehow, I’m strangely calm about it. Staring at them, with my jaws pressed together tightly, I make a promise to myself that next time I will burn them up. Perfectly calm, yes, it’s simply something I have decided to do. It’s making me wonder, however, if they’re somehow turning him on, seeing as they seem to satisfy him more than I ever will. Smiling bitterly, I put my cup back down on the counter with a loud bang, making him glance up at me quickly. He smiles and starts to talk enthusiastically about games, but I have tuned him out before he even started.

    Isn’t his voice just annoying, Nao, don’t you just want him to shut up?

    I try to ignore my quickly increasing headache as I stride towards him, making him slightly confused as I drop down upon him, straddling him and attacking his mouth with mine. For a moment, he seems too shocked to do anything, but soon he is kissing me back, pressing his body up against mine, a slight gasp escaping his lips but being caught by my mouth.

    So there’s one plus one, equals one? I slip my arms around his body to force him even closer. His eyes are closed - mine are not. I watch him closely as we kiss.

    Oh, but one plus one does not equal one, Nao, one plus one equals two…

    I groan, frustrated, and break the kiss. While staring at him, he opens his eyes, confusion obvious in them. And I can’t help to hate him the moment when he opens his mouth again to speak. He’s saying something, and I listen without hearing anything. I frown at him. The light from the mute TV beside us is playing different colours on his face, and I let my eyes drift away to an empty spot in the dark apartment while he’s talking. It’s like a freakshow.

    And he’s the freak. Love, love, love, hate. My grip tightens around him, and I bite down on my lip, hard.

    Perhaps I should buy a new TV.

    “Shut up, Hiroto”, I say and turn my gaze back to him, kissing him again, furiously.

    What do you need a new TV for, Nao?

    I try in vain to press our bodies even closer together, groaning into the kiss, quietening him abruptly. I don’t let him any break to breathe, because I don’t have to. Target located. My hands fumble with the cable to the play station controller. I break the kiss again, and gaze at him absent-mindedly as I raise up my newfound friend. And he gasps, thereafter making an undignified noise and trying to fight back as the cable twist around his throat, around, around, around.

    I need a new TV because it’s going to be so quiet when Hiroto isn’t talking.

    I narrow my eyes and gaze unfocusedly at a faraway corner as Hiroto is twisting and turning beneath me, fighting to escape. His nails are scraping the backs of my hands that are holding firmly to the cable twisted around his throat, cutting off his ability to breath. I wonder what kind of TV I should get. Preferably one with a good sound. I glance at the TV quickly, but Hiroto is such an attention whore, because he just won’t stop making sound.

    So what do you do, Nao?

    I fix him with an intense glare, and he stares back, looking pleading, frightened.

    “Shut up already”, I say sharply, tightening the pressure of the cables against his throat. And I kiss his lips softly as a tear falls down his cheek before my eyes.

    I make him stop talking.

    Yes, I remember now, I drank the last milk about an hour before Hiroto came over. Nothing to worry about, however, I’ll just need to flash a smile and the lady next door will get it for me. I’ll slip in a little extra money for the effort, just to be nice. Maybe I should invite her over someday? It’ll be so awfully quiet here now that Hiroto won’t be speaking anymore.

    His body is writhing under me, trembling.

    I need coffee, I realise after a minute or two. Sighing, I step up from the sleeping form underneath me. Hasn’t Hiroto always complained about how he hates to get up in the morning? I muse about it as I go to the kitchen to prepare a new cup of coffee. He always did, didn‘t he? I guess I did him a favour, because I don’t think he’ll need to wake up anymore. I smile to myself as I think of him sleeping. I’ve always preferred him when I can watch him sleep, because that’s when I can just observe him quietly and think about all the reasons to why I love him.

    When the coffee is made, I sigh again, contently, and take a sip, walking over to the window with it’s glaring sun. It’s starting to be unbearably hot in here. Perhaps I should call someone to help me get the window open. But right now, I just want live in the moment.

    I nurse my cup of steaming hot coffee between my hands. It’s awfully quiet in here.

    “So I’ve been wondering, Hiroto, who is it really that makes up all the different flavours of coffee? Is he alive yet?” I ask. No answer. Taking a sip of my coffee, I feel it burning my tongue raw. “Because perhaps he could invent a coffee flavour just for me, because that would be nice, you know?”

    Yes. You’re absolutely right, Nao, that would be really nice.